There is no doubt that parents play an effective role in preventing their children from being undutiful. As it is known that prevention is better than cure, we advise noble parents who play the greatest role in this important process, to prepare youth and prevent them from being undutiful.
The family is the first incubator where the adolescent grows up and receives an upbringing. Hence, it has a far-reaching effect on the upbringing of children. It is sufficient to know that children act in a way that conforms to their environment. So, the environment forms the way in which the child learns his behavior. If adolescents grow up with a sense of righteousness and gratitude, undoubtedly, this would greatly affect them.
The following are some of the important means that parents should use while building the wall to prevent undutifulness:
1- To be equally dutiful to you: Some parents are trapped in discrimination by favoring some of their children to others. This is plain injustice. Therefore, Sharee‘ah (Islamic legislation) strongly forbids this matter and warns of its bad consequences. When Basheer ibn Sa‘d, may Allah be pleased with him, came to the Prophet, , to give his son An-Nu‘maan a gift; the Prophet, , asked: “‘Did you give all your children gifts like An-Nu‘maan?’ He said, ‘No.’ The Prophet said: ‘So, look for another witness. Do you not like them (your children) to be equally dutiful to you?’” [Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
Steps of treatment
After dealing with the gravity of undutifulness and suggesting some methods to prevent it, we should talk about the steps of treatment, which are:
1- O people of the faith: here, you should ask yourself: Are you faithful? Perhaps, you would quickly answer in the affirmative. This is a good reply; however, to reach such a degree of faithfulness you should read some questions, if your answer is in the affirmative, then, enjoy your faithfulness. Otherwise, you should do your best to make your answers in the affirmative.
- Do you frequently remember your parents’ favors?
- Do you frequently thank them for their care and upbringing?
- Do you supplicate Allah The Almighty for them in your prayers, going, coming, with your friends and alone?
- Did you ever think about doing something for them and expressing your love and faithfulness?
- Do you quickly blame yourself and rush to serve them whenever you feel that you have fallen short to fulfill their rights?
This is the tip of the iceberg of questions which are well known to faithful people. Subhaan Allah (Glory be to Allah!), when a friend does us a favor, we remember it, keep treating him kindly and speaking well of him in his absence by remembering his good qualities. How come that we do not adopt this attitude— which we adopt towards our friends— towards our parents who sacrifice their time so that we can enjoy our times? They spent their money so that we become rich. They spent many nights crying because of our illness. Many times they were preoccupied from life with our needs. There are many of their supplications for us which were answered. How many times do kind parents sit watching their children dreaming of the day on which they become successful Muslim youth, with people delighting in them? By Allah, these are only a few matters to remember. Is it not time for us to become faithful?
Family role
1- Feeling rejected followed by loss: It is noteworthy that whenever the adolescent feels acceptance and esteem, he loves his parents more and more. Therefore, the more we accept the basic personal traits of our adolescents, the more they feel at ease with us and their desire to spend time at home increases. Undoubtedly, such a feeling of acceptance and esteem leads to a similar result with the children.