What Does Submissive Mean in Church and Marriage?

　　Marriage is a solemn and holy estate that should not be taken lightly. Today, many married couples still are unable to grasp the true meaning of how to submit in their marriage. Therefore, here are some key points about what submission means in regard to a man and his wife.

　　

Where Does the Bible Talk about Wives Being Submissive?

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24 KJV).

　　Theologians take two views on this passage and others. Both agree that Christ is the head. Complementarians argue the husband follows, and the wife takes third place in the marriage, but complementarians usually stress that this means husbands and wives are equal yet with different roles. Egalitarians argue that the husband and the wife are fundamentally equal.

　　Complementarians also note that the Bible teaches that a wife submits to the husband as the husband submits to Christ. Hence, a wife submitting to her husband as her head doesn’t communicate weakness but demonstrates spiritual and natural strength.

　　

What Does the Bible Say to Husbands in the 'Wives Be Submissive' Passage?

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it by the washing of water by the word, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself” (Ephesians 5:25-28 KJV).

　　Christ is the great lover of His church, which is His bride. He loves the church so much that He sheds His blood and gives His entire life for it. Christ’s action concerning the love for His church is a strong teaching example of the type of love God requires men to love and honor their wives. If Jesus can show so much love for His beloved church that He went as far as to die for her, then so it is required that a man should show the same love to his wife.

　　Husbands are not called to dominate their wives or abuse them. Men are called to love, respect, and cherish their wives. A husband’s love and respect for his wife will demonstrate what love Christ has for His church. If Jesus loves His Bride, the church, so much that He died for it, so must husbands love their wives in the same manner as Christ. They must be willing to sacrifice their all for their spouse.

　　

Where Does the Bible Talk about Being Submissive to Church Leaders?

“Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your soul, as those who must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you” (Hebrews 13:17 NKJV).

　　In the above Scripture, Paul encourages the church to obey the leaders God sets over them. Our duty to our church leadership must result in our obedience to them. As we obey the spiritual leaders God placed over us, we obey God and His will.

　　The leaders have the responsibility to watch out for the congregation. The leaders, therefore, must always be praying for the people. They must encourage and admonish their church members so that the congregation will spiritually mature. Leaders are not called to dominate anyone under their rule; instead, they must treat everyone with the same respect they would have others treat them. Leaders must understand that they are accountable to God and must be attentive to their flock’s spiritual needs.

　　

What Does the Bible Say about Being Submissive to God’s Plans?

Many scripture references in the Bible encourage us to submit to God’s plan for our lives. However, one Scripture speaks out more than all the others:

　　“Then said Jesus unto His disciples, ”If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me” (Matthew 16:24 KJV).

　　When fully sold out to God and His plan, we become God-centered, not self-centered. Denying ourselves for God’s purpose to work out in our lives will make us spiritually stronger. To deny one’s self for the glory of God is to gain heavenly rewards in the afterlife.

　　

What Do We Do When Christians Misuse the Idea of Being Submissive?

Some Christians misuse submission to their advantage. Immature Christians who do not understand the full principles of submission to authority can practice unbiblical principles, causing damage.

　　When this happens, we can do several things to help bring them on track.

　　1. Pray for them: prayer is a weapon we can use to destroy the works of Satan and set our brothers and sisters from misuse of submission. In fact, the scriptures continuously encourage us to pray for each other (James 5:16, Ephesians 6:18). We must remember that we all belong to one Body, and if a part of the body isn’t doing well, the entire body hurts. Prayer is what keeps us together and in the right standing with God.

　　2. We must try to correct them gently: no one is perfect, and if we see someone in the church misusing their idea of submission, Christians on the receiving end may consider submission repressive and reject the idea. We may be able to help them by giving them a gentle correction. Still, though, we must understand that exercising gentleness doesn’t make us weak; instead, it brings across to the person a sort of mature wisdom on our part (Proverbs 15:1-4) and let them know we are trying to help them.

　　3. We must show them love: Apostle Paul said that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8). Without love present in us and shown towards those who abuse submission, we can never hope to win them over, and they may forever continue in their folly. While prayer can keep us together, love is that special ingredient that seals up the cracks in any relationship.

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　　4. Explain to them the truth of the Bible on the topic of submission: sometimes, people misuse submission because they lack Biblical teachings. If this is the case, you should try to gently lead them in a study of the Bible to show them where they have gone wrong. However, in pointing out Biblical truths to them, we should remember not to make the mistake of ‘forcing the Word down their throats.’ Instead, we should teach them humbly, knowing that we can be caught in the same trap.

　　5. Ask them to leave the congregation: when all fails, and the perpetrators will not take heed to corrections and sound doctrine, then the only thing to do is to ask them to leave the ministry (Ephesians 5:11). However, this should only be done as a last resort. Before asking them to leave, leaders should follow Scripture’s guidelines for admonishing people. In admonishing them, the leadership should first have private meetings with the individuals about the matter. Suppose there are no changes in their lifestyle after meeting with them privately. In that case, the leaders should take the matter to a public stage so everyone can understand and not heap up unfair criticism or condemnation on the leadership of the church who are doing their job. If the leaders see no positive changes to the perpetrator’s way of life, they should ask them to leave the congregation. It is to the advantage of the leaders and everyone in the congregation that we see to it that the ministry is presented to God without spots or blemishes (sin).

　　If we do not ask such people to leave the ministry, their rebelliousness can negatively affect the rest of the congregation. Losing a single member or two is better than losing one’s entire flock.

　　

How Can We Become More Submissive to God and in Marriage?

Becoming more submissive to God and in marriage is a growing process we have to go through. Therefore, here are some quality tips on how to submit to God better and simultaneously submit in marriage.

　　1. By spending more time in prayer, prayer draws us closer to God: without prayer, we may move away from our Creator and even end up in a backslidden position. Spending intimate times with God in prayer will produce in a wife the zeal to continue in the faith and not stop loving or submitting to the head of the household.

　　2. By reading God’s word daily: The word of God teaches us that if we have the word in our hearts, we will not indulge in any form of sin (Psalm 119:11). The Bible will teach us how to truly submit ourselves to the Lord and to the leadership God has placed over us. Receiving Biblical knowledge will help us grow and mature so that everything we do in word or deed can please Him. Therefore, receiving godly knowledge from our daily Bible study will help us grow spiritually and produce the will to submit to God in every area of our lives.

　　3. By fellowshipping together: when spouses spend quality time together, they understand each other better. Distance damages the marriage, while understanding each other strengthens it. Both a complementarian and egalitarian perspective agree this helps spouses become better people. Egalitarians would say greater understanding helps spouses determine what each excels at and should focus on. Complementarians would say greater understanding allows wives to understand how best to submit to their husbands, while husbands learn their wives’ needs to serve them better.

　　4. By building a strong romantic relationship: strengthening a husband and wife’s romantic relationship will help the marriage succeed. They can keep the romance alive by going out on dates, surprising each other with gifts, communicating often, etc.

　　Christ is the head of His church, so He loves and cherishes His church. He sets a fine example for us to follow. Likewise, husbands must love, cherish, protect, and care for their wives as Christ did the church. Christ’s relationship with His church shows us the true nature of godly submission to Him and to each other in the marriage. As husbands and wives cohabitate in a bond of unity, the binding cord that holds them mutually strengthens. When this happens, they showcase the loving relationship between Christ and His Bride, the church.

　　Further Reading:

　　25 Bible Verses about Equality

　　How Can We Reconcile Differing Opinions on the Role of Women in Church?

　　Let's Talk About Submission

　　Three Sneaky Ways 'There Is Neither Jew nor Gentile' (Galatians 3:28) Gets Misinterpreted

　　What Wifely Submission Does Not Mean

　　Have Christians Had Gender Roles Wrong All This Time?

　　How Did Jesus Address Negative Feelings toward Women (Misogyny)?

　　I’m a Complementarian Man With an Egalitarian Wife; Can I Pastor?