Does the Bible Say Anything about Narcissists?

　　What does the Bible say about narcissists? Conversations about narcissism used to be relegated to the classroom during studies of Greek mythology. Nowadays, however, they are much more common and just as likely to occur at the dinner table and in the fellowship hall at church as they are in class discussions. Does the Bible mention narcissists? If so, what does the Bible say about them?

　　

What Do We Mean When We Talk about Narcissists?

When discussing narcissism in any conversation, it’s always wise to define how we use it. If you’re chatting and someone refers to another person as a narcissist, such as “My ex was clearly a narcissist” or “That leader is a classic narcissist,” ask a clarifying question before responding. “Lots of people use that word these days. Can you describe for me what you mean when you say it?” This demonstrates wisdom and can provide a better context for your conversation.

　　While others may freely and casually label people, Christians are called to be wise and discerning with our words. We are called to speak the truth but to do so with love, gentleness, and patience. The truth may call out narcissistic behavior, but love and wisdom preclude us from easily dismissing anyone based on armchair assessments or withholding charity based on other people’s determinations.

　　Some people may qualify for a clinical diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder. According to the Mayo Clinic, “Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.”

　　For a professional to make this assessment, they must thoroughly examine the person. The person would need to meet certain criteria for the disorder over time. The field of psychology and the concepts of personality disorders didn’t arise until the 1800s. They didn’t become part of our common vocabulary until many decades later.

　　The Bible identifies things we would call narcissistic behavior, although it was written long before psychology developed as a discipline and the concept of personality disorders. If you’re in a relationship with a clinically diagnosed narcissist, it’s best to seek professional and pastoral counsel to determine healthy boundaries in your specific circumstance. For the sake of this article, because diagnosing is the role of professionals, we’ll contain our discussion to an exploration of narcissistic behaviors described in the Bible.

　　Any of us can be guilty of exhibiting narcissistic behaviors. These include sinful attitudes and activities such as self-centeredness, vanity, putting oneself above others, pride, obsession with appearance, or greed. We should, in Christ, put off these behaviors and be ready to correct them in other Christians.

　　Individuals may engage in sinful behavior such as laziness, gossip, or lying without it becoming characteristic of their lives. We all sin and fall short. However, if we repent, seek forgiveness, make amends, and work not to repeat our sins, they don’t have to control us.

　　But suppose we lie once and then decide to lie again. What if we enjoy that ease so much that we begin to lie regularly? That’s when a stronghold develops, and a pattern or habit of sin sets in. We can easily become known, then, as a habitual liar. It is the same with self-centered or narcissistic behavior. Even strongholds can be defeated through repentance, but it’s always best not to allow a pattern to set in the first place.

　　

What Does the Bible Say about Narcissistic Behavior?

Let’s look at some specific Bible passages.

　　In 2 Timothy 3:1-5, Paul not only describes sinful, narcissistic behavior but also explains why it’s becoming more and more common.

　　Verse one says, “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.” Jesus promised us He will come again. None of us knows if we’re the generation that will witness His return, but we grow ever closer. We live in the “last days”—in the sense that we live in the time after Jesus’ ascension and wait faithfully for his return. We cannot look at the number of narcissistic people around and predict when Jesus is returning, but we should not be surprised that as time goes on, as we get closer to Jesus return, behavior will get worse and worse.

　　Paul then described narcissistic behaviors that God calls sin, which include loving only ourselves, loving money, boasting, harboring pride, abusing others, disobeying our parents, ingratitude, being unholy, unloving, or unforgiving, slander, lack of self-control, brutality, hating what is good, acting treacherously or impulsively engaging in evil, conceit, and choosing our own pleasures over God. Acting “religious” but denying the power of Jesus to effect any real change in our lives is also described in this passage as characteristic of sinful people. We often use the term hypocrisy for this behavior.

　　The term “unloving” can be vague, but Paul defines love for us in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 so we don’t have to guess what behaviors qualify as unloving. He describes love as patient, kind, rejoicing in truth, always protecting, trusting, and persevering. Further, he says love does not boast, envy, harbor pride, dishonor others, seeks only the self, anger easily, keep a record of wrongs, or delight in evil.

　　Paul ends by warning Timothy, “Have nothing to do with such people” (2 Timothy 3:1-5 NIV). Of course, if this included non-believers, we’d have to leave the world, but Paul warns about indulging people who say they are Christians but habitually act in such ways.

　　The reason for that is clear. Having certain individuals elevate themselves above the rest won’t allow the body to function as one body.

　　Paul told the Christians in Rome:

　　“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” (Romans 12:3-5 NIV)

　　

Does the Bible Tell Us to Forgive and Stay with Narcissists?

We are called to live in forgiveness of those who have sinned against us, but that doesn’t mean we need to allow them to continue to hurt us. When King Saul rejected God’s ways and began to operate only to elevate himself, he engaged in many narcissistic behaviors that became a behavior pattern. He disobeyed God (1 Samuel 15:11). He became envious of David (1 Samuel 18). Saul demonstrated rash, violent behavior when he threw spears at David, trying to kill him. (1 Samuel 19).

　　Recommended

　　9 Ways the Bible Defines True Manliness

　　David wasn’t wrong to put distance between himself and Saul’s spears. Nowhere does God condemn David for seeking refuge from Saul’s attempts to harm him. However, David did not seek revenge against Saul, nor try to harm Saul, even when he had the opportunity (1 Samuel 24 and 26). He also always maintained a sense of honor for Saul as king (2 Samuel 1).

　　This story shows a healthy model of setting a safe boundary around someone engaging in narcissistic behavior without indulging in vengeance, slander, or unforgiveness.

　　When a fellow Christian engages in sin, we have a pattern to follow in Matthew 18:15-20. God warns us to issue correction gently and with humility but to do it so that none of us develops a pattern of sin that becomes characteristic of an individual or a congregation (2 Timothy 2:24-25).

　　We can forgive people even when they aren’t willing to repent or take responsibility for their behavior. We don’t do this for them but for us. We forgive others as God has forgiven us. However, just as David didn’t allow Saul to keep harming him, we can also prevent ourselves from continued harm.

　　

What Does the Bible Say about Confronting Narcissistic Leaders?

Likewise, Queen Jezebel, wife to King Ahab, exhibited all these sinful behaviors described by Paul. She went so far as to murder hundreds of God’s prophets. Elijah called her out publicly, along with King Ahab, for her sins. She refused to repent, and when she set her sights on killing Elijah, he fled for safety (1 Kings 19). Jezebel did not repent in her lifetime and met a terrible end.

　　Sadly, King David had a time when he indulged in many of these sins (2 Samuel 11). He indulged his lusts by taking Bathsheba, Uriah’s wife, when he was supposed to lead his men in battle. When Bathsheba was found pregnant with his child, David acted rashly, trying to cover it up. When that didn’t work, he arranged for Uriah’s death in battle. David’s behaviors during this period could be described as narcissistic, but thankfully, his story didn’t end there.

　　God sent the prophet Nathan to confront David, and in a wonderful example for us, David repented us his sins. Psalm 51 provides a model for true repentance. David suffered the consequences of his sin but restored his relationship with God by acknowledging his sin and seeking forgiveness.

　　

Narcissists and the Gospel

Jesus Christ died and rose again so that all who receive Him may be cleansed of unrighteousness and inherit the righteousness from Christ alone (Romans 3:21-26). Even the worst sinners can become new creations in Jesus Christ. So, how can we live wisely in a world where narcissistic behavior is on the rise?

　　1. Live and preach the gospel to all with love and certainty of faith in Christ (2 Timothy 4:2).

　　2. Regularly ask the Holy Spirit to examine our hearts and lives so we can readily repent of any narcissistic behaviors (1 Timothy 4:16).

　　3. Gently, humbly, and biblically discuss with others unbiblical behavior in their lives that we observe, showing them in God’s Word and encouraging them to walk in a manner worthy of the gospel (2 Timothy 2:24-26).

　　4. Forgive those who sin against us and maintain healthy boundaries around people who refuse to repent of sinful and harmful behaviors toward us with support from our faith community (Colossians 3:12-13 and 2 Timothy 3:5).

　　5. We are the lights of the world. When narcissistic behavior creates darkness in relationships, communities, and even countries, we can have faith in what the apostle John wrote in John 1:4-5, “In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” (ESV)